Tolovemoon's Photo A Day and maybe a little more :)

When I look into my childrens eyes,
I can see that their soul is so alive...
They are so tender with innocence.
The world around them is so big and magnificent.
They are filled with wonder
they dont know that they could stumble.
The only thing that scares them straight
Is some threatening sord of way.
The same kind of way that I was raised.
Though I know I had this same kind of soul
I dont think my mom knew how to scold.
She only done what she ever known
was to teach me right from wrong with an object that hurt so bad
but not as much as the tone in her voice that had a threatening force.
I remember her temper when she said I was bad.
I didnt know what she meant
I started feeling sad..
With my freedom of innocense, my carefree spirit was at risk..
I got so angry and it was then that I vowed to never do the same to a life that was created from apart of my heart...
I have kept this secret tiny seed deep inside of me that only I can reach..
Now its time for me to nurture this seed a feeling of pain.
I have these treasures of life that is needing a new way of hope, for a new kind of dreaming, a new kind of love that has more freedom.
They give me a chance with so much trust.
They already know how much patience I have.
They understand and smile at me.
I know they can be free!
They will grow up knowing my love for them is real.
They have a speacial place here with me.
No matter what they will always see how much wrong can be right.
There is only their own way that they can learn while they are growing.
When they are grown they will make it their own.
Its how we make the best of things, these little things, these simple things, these times when it seems that nothing is worth wasting our energy on if we have to hurt one another.
When our time is so precious, time we can never get back.
Time to grow and climb this ladder in our life.
Time to work on making our dreams come true even when  it seems as though the dreams we have will only be accomplished if a miracle will happen.
Love is unconditional for a mother and her child.
I love my children.
I want them to know, so I will show it!
To my babies, Zachary and Casey...

I was reading a book called  Psycho Pictography, I was on chapter 4....
I have wanted to read the rest of it but for some reason I have misplaced this book.
I have looked high and low for the past week, I guess not high enough or low enough..I only found the book when I was looking for another book a hymnal that ended up right in front of me the intire time ...so where is  right infront of me..

Some things I have learned from the first few chapters like having awareness about yourself and being honest have been working on me and my thoughts a lot...I have wrote about some of my issues in a way on my blog...here ....
I have started to write in my regular pen and paper journal, and I have started understanding me...
I am strong enough to get over these issues, I have to be, I must be, for me, and for my children! I will get help in areas needed and I will network with a good support group...I found this site about a woman about the same age as me with some issues that sound oh so common as mine...I think I have covered up and kept hidden these issues long enough and its time I deal with them...
If I want to share peace and love I have to know its genuine and the source of where I find it from within myself.. I know that it is there but these darn things that I have set aside for so long keep eating at me like a blood sucking mosquito....
Its energy draining on me and takes my time away from stressing or thinking about things that arent irrelevant but yet they keep popping in my head ...
The disagreements I have had with my step daughter and my son are just way to dumb of me to be argueing about and I see where I dont want to become what my own mother done to me.. I will not have it. I will change these behaviors and turn them in to positive... I am going to throw rocks today as hard as I can over the fence into the woods, one for each of my problems or issues.